Saving Myself For Marriage...and A Lunar Eclipse

Crescent moon tilted loftily in starry glittered skies, the pale light reflecting brightly on our faces, rosey fluttered cheeks blooming under youthful eyes, bare bodies laying hidden on the grassy hilled oasis. Silent silhouette of...

Morning Ode to Last Nights Regret

Empty champagne glasses lay about shadowed rooms like phantom decorations thrown carelessly by festive ghouls reveric waltz below the midnight moons silhouetted symphony. Under the dim glow of a television screen, the soft blue hue like...

Shields Down, Prepare for Impact

Soft perilous velvet pouty lips curved like crescent moons under supple dark brown pools staring like edgeless daggers; swathed in barrels of sweet honey nectar that bathes, enraptures, enamors and deranges the tongue, mind, body, soul....

Don't Even Get Me Started On The Macy's Parade

O bright red balloons, bright red balloons! What makes you hover so fatigued? Surface rippled and misshapen; Wrinkles perched on unseen face So tired So weary O bright red balloons, bright red balloons! Why reach for bitter,...

This Really Happened

Around two and a half years ago my grandmother fell pretty ill so one sunday morning I drove to pick my sisters up to see her in the hospital where the rest of my family was waiting for any development on her condition. (Side note: The night before...

Sweet Nothings Worth Nothing

Tell me what I want to hear then take it back batting your eyes smile wide hold me close laugh and kiss me tender  B-sided tongues call for me sweetly. Coil around my heart choke my very soul each hug I feel your icy...

Moonlit Side Up

Quiet. That’s one way the people back on shore would describe it. Deep in the mid-Atlantic the waves softly rocked the tiny tugboat known as the SS Gerald with such a tendle care, as a nursing mother would her child. Patrick stood at the bow...

A Plague On Both Your Commercial Properties

Young hearts do flutter Unscarred, without wound Quickly fall in love, but out of love too soon Fickle minds bare swaying passion Gusting winds; forever changing They see not with their eyes Think not where logic...

Don't Get Me Wrong

I mean, sure, it's pretty nice when a woman licks her lips or waves her ass around all seductive-like or something. But it's the little things girls do that really knocks me out. Like when you say something they might really like and they sort of...

My Job Application to The Legion of Doom

Dear Mr. Lex Luthor, My name is Jonathan Acosta and I am interested in the position of Director of Resources and Office Manager within your company. While I have not seen any official postings for this position, there is an undeniable need for...

New Yorkers Guide To MTA Wild Life

The New York City transit system is a jungle of both exotic and dangerous wildlife. I've decided to observe and record the various train species that inhabit the MTA . 1. Hasus Waysus Too Much Sexus Whorenis   The...

Too Much Too Late

This morning wasn't any different from the others. My alarm clock rang at exactly 6:00am and I awoke to the voice of a man singing a song I'd been hearing a lot recently. Then again I could be wrong since mostly everything on the radio sounds the same...

I'll Have To Be Frank, Anne

April 6th, 2010 7:23pm A giant mutant bee/hornet thing at least 3 inches tall came charging through my window as I arrived from work this evening. After I ran to the other room, locked the door and shit my pants I found a pen and paper. I've...

always First to be Last

More often than not I find myself staring at buildings with a bit of disgust as I drive by them in my car. Carefully constructed monstrosities that liter the world with their colossal, unnatural, suffocating presence fill my stomach with nausea. Albeit...

Booze For Thought

Scientist are developing a synthetic alcohol that doesn't cause hangovers or drunkness, but supposedly only gives you that "pleasant buzz" you get from a night of boozing. ...

[Rejected] Top X Most Awesome Inventors

Soooooo not too long ago I submitted an article to www.Cracked.com, a comedy website that takes pitches for articles from average joe's like myself, and it was rejected. It was intended for Black History Month and whatnot, but since they didn't take my...

Top 5 Reasons Why Women Will Never Be Happy

Click here to go back to part 1. Studies have shown females are generally more attracted to muscular men with a V shaped torso, masculine features such as thick brows as well as prominent cheekbones; which are all signs of good health and good...

Top 5 Reasons Women Will Never Be Happy

Since the dawn of mankind people have searched long and hard for the answer to some of life’s greatest mysteries. What is the meaning of life? Are we alone in the universe? Is there really a God? Whatever happened to the original Steve from Blues...

To Get By

I found myself in a sour mood the other day. I’d been throwing around the concept of love in my head and found no evidence if it truly existed. It was very unsettling. I couldn’t think of a single couple I knew that was truly happy and truly in love. I...

Don't Wake Me

My eyes open. I’m at the foot of a hill. I looked up and watched as a pine tree danced with the gentle breeze carried by a dark blue sky hue I'd never witnessed before. On the far edge near the horizon there was an unnatural orange cascade of light as...

If Life Is Just A Dream Then Aren't Dreams Life?

I had a dream. Everything happened very fast, leaving little or no time to think or process what was going on. The next morning I could remember only bits and pieces. Actually…no. I could remember the entire thing. But there were only certain parts my...

Top Four Reasons Why Obama Is Actually Batman

Undoubtedly the highest honor in the United States of America is to be elected President by the American people. So far, forty four men have had the privilege of calling themselves “Leaders of the Free World.” Many have held this title with pride and...

Won Day

So I've realized I really need to end this enormous case of writers’ block I've had for the past three years before it's too late. I think a good way to start off would be the story of how I came to this realization. A friend of mine [we'll call her...