Too Much Too Late

This morning wasn't any different from the others. My alarm clock rang at exactly 6:00am and I awoke to the voice of a man singing a song I'd been hearing a lot recently. Then again I could be wrong since mostly everything on the radio sounds the same...

I'll Have To Be Frank, Anne

April 6th, 2010 7:23pm A giant mutant bee/hornet thing at least 3 inches tall came charging through my window as I arrived from work this evening. After I ran to the other room, locked the door and shit my pants I found a pen and paper. I've...

always First to be Last

More often than not I find myself staring at buildings with a bit of disgust as I drive by them in my car. Carefully constructed monstrosities that liter the world with their colossal, unnatural, suffocating presence fill my stomach with nausea. Albeit...

Booze For Thought

Scientist are developing a synthetic alcohol that doesn't cause hangovers or drunkness, but supposedly only gives you that "pleasant buzz" you get from a night of boozing. ...

[Rejected] Top X Most Awesome Inventors

Soooooo not too long ago I submitted an article to www.Cracked.com, a comedy website that takes pitches for articles from average joe's like myself, and it was rejected. It was intended for Black History Month and whatnot, but since they didn't take my...

Top 5 Reasons Why Women Will Never Be Happy

Click here to go back to part 1. Studies have shown females are generally more attracted to muscular men with a V shaped torso, masculine features such as thick brows as well as prominent cheekbones; which are all signs of good health and good...

Top 5 Reasons Women Will Never Be Happy

Since the dawn of mankind people have searched long and hard for the answer to some of life’s greatest mysteries. What is the meaning of life? Are we alone in the universe? Is there really a God? Whatever happened to the original Steve from Blues...

To Get By

I found myself in a sour mood the other day. I’d been throwing around the concept of love in my head and found no evidence if it truly existed. It was very unsettling. I couldn’t think of a single couple I knew that was truly happy and truly in love. I...

Don't Wake Me

My eyes open. I’m at the foot of a hill. I looked up and watched as a pine tree danced with the gentle breeze carried by a dark blue sky hue I'd never witnessed before. On the far edge near the horizon there was an unnatural orange cascade of light as...

If Life Is Just A Dream Then Aren't Dreams Life?

I had a dream. Everything happened very fast, leaving little or no time to think or process what was going on. The next morning I could remember only bits and pieces. Actually…no. I could remember the entire thing. But there were only certain parts my...

Top Four Reasons Why Obama Is Actually Batman

Undoubtedly the highest honor in the United States of America is to be elected President by the American people. So far, forty four men have had the privilege of calling themselves “Leaders of the Free World.” Many have held this title with pride and...

Won Day

So I've realized I really need to end this enormous case of writers’ block I've had for the past three years before it's too late. I think a good way to start off would be the story of how I came to this realization. A friend of mine [we'll call her...